This was the fist Ladd/Kesler story I started, and I eventually ended up culling a lot of themes and situations from it to use in other stories. (For example, fighting in a parking lot - apparently something I think is quintessentially Ladd/Kesler. Who knew.)
So this is all cobbled together from chats and my outline and more chats.
Also, warning for post-practice sweaty sex, for those of you that don't like sweat. Skim that part. :)
panfix: we just need to write more fic about ryan kesler, i think.
shoemaster: So sad about him and Ladd
panfix: i know :(
but we can still write the high school au where they go to rival schools
So Andrew Ladd and Ryan Kesler live in Hickory Springs and Pineview, respectively, two extremely generic and fictional suburbs of Chicago. They both play for their high school hockey teams - the Tigers and the Pirates. Oh, and they hate each other, obviously.
So there’s this exhibition charity game between the Tigers and the Pirates. Ladd hits Kesler, and bloodies Kesler’s nose. Kesler retaliates the next period, they try to fight but get pulled apart by the refs and get sent to the box, etc. When they pass each other on the ice later, Kesler’s all, “Finish this outside after the game” and Ladd’s like “bring it on.”
Ladd’s team loses and he’s pissed, even though it doesn’t count. They manage to elude teammates and meet in a corner of the parking lot. They start fighting. While rolling around on the ground in a totally hetero way, Kesler realizes Ladd is hard. Ladd realizes Kesler realizes and this is seriously the worst night ever. It’s so unfair because it always happens after a game and he was just too mad when he agreed to meet Kesler, and then in the locker room was too busy eluding teammates who would not approve of fighting to jerk off.
Kesler starts wiggling his hips, just to make Ladd uncomfortable, and he’s taunting Ladd, which should totally make the erection go down, but lol 17, so no. Except that plan kinda backfires because now Kesler’s getting hard. He tries to gracefully back off from the whole thing before Ladd figures it out, but it’s too late. Ladd flips them over so he’s on top and he’s all, “I’m sorry, what was that? Who’s a fag now?” and he thinks, fuck it, they’re both hard, the only way to get out of this is to make it just as embarrassing for Kesler. So he drives his hips down hard, and Kesler makes a little noise - like he almost moaned, then stopped himself at the last second. And that’s like a victory, so Ladd does it again. Basically, the only way he’s gonna get out of this with even a little dignity intact is if he makes Kesler come first, and that’s gotta happen soon, because Ladd is really really close, and he can’t think about how that probably makes him a sick fuck right now.
Ladd has one of Kesler’s wrists in each hand, holding them to the ground and Kesler’s sides, and it doesn’t give him the best leverage, but he can’t move, because he can’t give Kesler the upper hand. It kind of leaves him with an unobstructed view of Kesler’s face, unfortunately. Kesler’s nose is swollen from Ladd’s check, and there’s a little dried blood around it where he missed when he was cleaning. And Kesler’s biting hard at his lip, probably to keep himself from making noise. Ladd himself has his jaw clamped shut so tight he’ll probably have a headache later. And Kesler’s lifting his hips into Ladd’s thrusts, so Ladd figures they’re pretty much even right now, but he needs to make sure that it’s worse for Kesler, so on his next thrust he grinds his hips too, and Kesler opens his mouth and gasps, and then his hips lifts up and stutter and the rest of his muscles go tight and oh thank god, now Ladd can finally let go.
He rolls off Kesler to the side when he’s done, and just lays there on the pavement, trying to catch his breath. The pavement is hard and cold and the inside of his pants are sticky and uncomfortable, and he really really doesn’t want to be here. As soon as he can make his limbs work, he’s totally leaving.
Kesler recovers first though. And he gets up and says, “breathe a word of this to anyone and you’re dead.” And Ladd shoots back “like i’d want anyone to know.” And Kesler walks off and Ladd just lays there and is like, “....fuck.”
A couple weeks later Ladd goes out with Sharpy and Bur after practice to the only good place for thin crust pizza in either town. Kesler is already there some of his equally asshole teammates: Burrows and Mitchell and Bieksa. Ladd turns around to walk right back out again, but Sharpy and Bur stop him all “come on dude, we can sit on the opposite side of the restaurant and ignore them.” But Ladd just can’t forget that Kesler is there, he can’t. And it’s because he hates Kesler, and not because like, he keeps waking up hard from dreams where he can’t exactly remember what went on, but he gets the impression Kesler was involved somehow.
When they walk past Kesler’s table, Kesler sneers and says something and Ladd lunges at him and says something back, but Sharpy holds him back. And Sharpy glares at Kesler and tells him, “We’re going to eat our pizza over there. Don’t bother us, and we won’t bother you.”
So Ladd eats his pizza with Sharpy and Bur, and tries to ignore Kesler, even when he can hear his stupid voice above the noise of the place. He drinks a big soda, so then he has to piss. he heads to the bathroom, pisses, washes his hands, and as he’s about to leave Kesler comes in.
“You’re not such hot shit now without your bodyguards around, are you?” Kesler says.
“I could take you anytime, anywhere, all by myself without even trying that hard,” Ladd says.
“Oh yeah? prove it.”
And Ladd doesn’t really wanna get kicked out of the place, because it really is the only good pizza for like, 20 miles, but he won’t back down from Kesler either, so he grabs Kesler’s t-shirt and shoves him back toward the stalls. Kesler bounces off the divider and comes straight back to Ladd, tackles him against the wall.
No one knows who does it first, because both of them will deny it, but somehow their lips are on each other’s. It’s a hard kiss, not particularly pleasant, but it makes them both gasp and realize that they’re on their way to hard. Fuck it, Ladd thinks, and tries to push Kesler back into one of the stalls. Kesler resists, and Ladd is like, “you wanna do this out here?” and Kesler has to admit, that no, he does not. So he pulls Ladd into a stall with him and locks it. Ladd immediately goes to unbutton Kesler’s jeans.
“Can’t wait to get to my dick, can you, Ladd?”
And Ladd is just like, “i don’t want anyone to wonder if i fell in and come looking for me. unless you want me to take my time?” and finally gets his hand under Kesler’s boxers.
“Hurry up” Kesler says.
“That’s what i thought.” Ladd retorts.
Kesler is biting his lip and starting to feel real close when Ladd stops. “What the fuck, dude?” Kesler manages to get out.
“I’m not doing this for my health, dickbag,” Ladd says, and gestures to his own crotch with the hand that is not on Kesler’s dick.
Kesler realizes that he is not going to get to come unless he touches Ladd’s dick. Normally it’s something he’d have to think about, but at this moment his lower brain is making all the decisions, so he unzips Ladd and they jerk each other off.
Ladd leaves first this time, washes his hands and walks out without saying anything. Kesler catches his breath in the stall, wonders what the hell is going on, then decides that he doesn’t care, he’s going to repress, and then it’s never going to happen again, the end. he goes back to his friends. “Did you let him have it?” Alex asks. “Yeah, sort of,” Kesler says, and changes the subject.
Thanksgiving breaks comes, which is awesome because no school, but Kesler has hockey practice, and there’s the Thanksgiving parade, which the school marching band is playing in, and the cheerleaders are marching in and their coach has “strongly encouraged” them to go to show support. Kesler thinks that’s dumb, because hockey doesn’t get a whole lot of support while football is still going on, but Kesler also needs his coach to write a recommendation for scholarships, so going to the parade it is.
Anyway, it’s fine because Alex and a bunch of other teammates will be there, so it’s not like there won’t be anyone to talk to. besides, it gets him out of helping his mom and aunt in the kitchen for an hour or two.
The other sucky thing about the parade, is that it’s a combination of of three towns, including Ladd’s. and Ladd’s school band is playing as well. he fucking hates that school. but maybe he can avoid their asshole hockey team, if their coach isn’t a stickler for supporting other dumb school clubs, like Coach V is.
But of course, because Kesler’s life sucks, he sees Ladd and his dumb buddies halfway down the block and on the other side of the street. And Ladd looks dumb with his hat on backwards like that. That’s why Kesler can’t stop looking his way, craning his neck to see through the baton twirlers and old guys in classic cars and floating turkeys. Not because he can remember what Ladd’s hand feels like on his dick.
He doesn’t even think Ladd’s noticed him. Which should be all good because then Kesler can go home and not deal with Andrew Ladd. Except that it keeps bothering him, that he has to notice Ladd looking all dumb and ... Ladd-like, but Ladd can have fun with his buddies in ignorance. Kesler never has liked being ignored.
He manages to brush off Alex and Juice when the parade is winding down. He just follows Ladd until his friends leave, which is totally not creepy, he tells himself, because it’s for a good reason. Which is punching Ladd in the face, and that’s it.
He drags Ladd into the walkway between two garages.
Ladd struggles, of course, and curses, and then he sees who it is and says, “oh,” and rolls his eyes. “Fuck off, Kesler.”
“No,” Kesler says, which is kind of stupid because now the surprise is gone and it feels weird punching Ladd now. But then there’s awkward silence and Ladd smirks and is all, “Miss my dick that much?” Which, no, but then Ladd is going for Kesler’s fly and well, you know, handjobs.
“Laters,” Ladd says, when they’re done and leaves. Who even says that? Then his cell phone rings and it’s his mom wondering where he is, so he has to go home.
A couple weeks later Kesler goes to some other school to watch Hickory Springs play them. For scouting purposes.
Ladd sees him and after the game there is more hooking up, and that is when some freshman catches them.
panfix: but then they get outed because someone see them because horny teenage boys suck at being discrete
and they kinda have to deal with it together
like, they break up for a while, but then you know, what's the point in getting all the flack for being gay
shoemaster: if they aren't getting laid
But then with them both being "out" and stuff, other guys start sniffing around. Like, the emo kid with the tight pants that Ladd always kinda made fun of, but the pants do show off his ass really well.
And they're all at a party or something and Emo Kid is actually pretty assertive once he knows he's not gonna get beaten up. Except that the Pirates crash the party and Kesler sees Ladd flirting with him. And whatever, it's not like he cares or anything, but he had kinda planned on getting laid tonight. So he just goes over there to casually remind Ladd that they had plans. But Kesler's causal reminding pretty much comes out like menacing, and also a lot like looming.
Emo Kid is like, "whoa, you didn't tell me you had a jock boyfriend, I'm out of here," and leaves. And Ladd and Kesler both get totally offended by the boyfriend thing in Emo Kid's absence. So they're standing around telling each other how they're not boyfriends. And then Ladd is like, “well since you just cockblocked me, you owe me.”
And they go find a bedroom.
Everyone at both schools just assumes they're dating. They keep trying to tell everyone they're not dating. They hate each other. And everyone is like "lol, everyone knows, you don't have to pretend to hate each other anymore."
Also, now no one will date them because of the gay/dating thing. So the only way they're going to get laid is each other. And one advantage of everyone thinking they're dating is that they don't have to sneak around or make excuses to see each other, so they just start doing it a lot more.
And when you're getting laid more often it's hard to keep up the energy to fuck AND argue, so the arguing kind of falls off a bit, to make way for some really. good. sex. So they're mellowing out with each other, and a lot of the arguing is just for the sake of arguing and doesn't have much heat in it.
But then their teams play each other, and one of Kesler's teammates gives Johnny a concussion, and Ladd blows up because he thinks it was a totally bad hit. And then Kesler blows up because he thinks it was a totally fine hit and Mitchell got sent to the penalty box and the Tigers scored the gamewinner on that power play.
And they have this huge knock down drag out fight, complete with punching, and no making out. And they're like god, what were we thinking?
And it's weird because Ladd doesn't know why he feels so betrayed. He always knew Kesler was an asshole. And it's also weird to go back to calling him Kesler - he'd gotten used to using Ryan.
And Kesler is also moping around school being a total downer. and his obnoxious friend Alex is like, “dude just kiss and make up with your boyfriend, you're a total drag.”
And Kesler is like, “NO HE STARTED IT AND ALSO HE'S WRONG AND I'M NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE ........ and also he was never my boyfriend.”
And Alex is all, “Whatever, you were disgustingly adorable and in love. Just get over it and go back to that. but like, in private please.”
And Kesler walks away because everyone is wrong and he can't believe Burrows of all people actually thinks that he had any sort of feelings towards Ladd at all. That weren't, you know, anger but also liking orgasms.
Meanwhile, Ladd spends like, a week moping and then he's all, no. I refuse to be upset about Ryan Fucking Kesler, not that i was upset about anything other than what an asshole he is, which I've always known, so it isn't even that upsetting anymore. Which is why I'm not upset.
shoemaster: he should hit on that emo kid
with the ass
panfix: Ladd likes how you think. that is exactly what he does.
They totally hook up, but it's weird because Emo Kid is tiny compared to Ryan, and way less aggressive, which Ladd actually thought he wanted, but once they're hooking up, it's weird. And Emo Kid is actually a better kisser than Ryan, except for some reason it doesn't feel as good. It's not that it's bad - everything feels good, it's sex, come on - but it's just not as ... exciting as with Ryan. It doesn't give him that excited tingly feeling in his belly.
And after, Emo Kid is like, “wow you're totally still in love with your boyfriend.” Ladd opens his mouth to protest, but Emo Kid interrupts him and says, “that's okay. This was fun and all, but we were never gonna go to the prom together. I mean, you think Seether is a good band.”
“What’s wrong with Seether?” Ladd asks.
Emo Kid laughs and straightens out his clothes and pats Ladd on the head, and kisses him in a friendly way, and offers to make him a mixed cd. And he says “see you round.” and leaves.
So now Ladd is kinda sticky and thinking about Ryan, and the whole point of hooking up with Emo Kid was supposed to be to NOT think about Ryan -- Kesler. He means KESLER. Except that Emo Kid thinks Ladd is in love with kesler, and clearly his pants must be cutting off blood flow to his brain, because that is just not possible.
He can't stop thinking about it, so the next day at lunch he turns to Sharpy and just goes, “am I in love with Kesler?”
And Sharpy blinks. And Burish starts pounding his head on the table. And Seabs starts laughing. And Kaner -- KANER -- is like, “no duh.”
And oh god. Even Kaner thinks its obvious. Kaner is an emotional retard and a freshman.
He walks around in a haze for the rest of the day like, “oh my god, I am. I am in love with Ryan Kesler. What is wrong with me?
So after a couple days of just being so fucking stunned by his own feelings, he realizes, oh wait, we're broken up and that's ... BAD. He dithers for a few days. Obsessively checks Ryan's facebook. He maybe drives by Ryan's school once, but only because it was on the way somewhere, and if he slowed down a lot and was craning his neck to see if he could spot Ryan, well, no one was there, it's none of their business anyway.
Johnny comes back to practice, even if he's not skating yet, and Ladd sits down to talk to him for a bit about team stuff. And after, Johnny's like, so Kaner tells me you realized you're in love with your boyfriend.
And Ladd's like, “He's not my boyfriend. I mean, really. We broke up after the game where you got hit.”
And Johnny's just like, “Well that's dumb. I'm gonna be fine. We won. What is there to be mad about?”
And Johnny kinda has a point.
“I don't know what to do,” Ladd admits.
“Well have you tried talking to him?”
And yeah, that's probably a good idea.
If he puts it off, he'll lose his nerve, so after practice, before he even goes home, he drives to Ryan's house. He knows Ryan won't be at practice, because they have a short practice on Thursdays, so unless he went to get dinner with the guys, he should be home.
And Ladd realizes that he knows all sorts of stuff like that about Ryan. About his allergies, and his favorite bands, and what brand of soap he uses, and the face he makes when he doesn't want to wake up from a nap. And not only that, but Ladd misses those things.
He takes a deep breath and goes and knocks on the door.
Ryan opens the door, sees it's Ladd, and tries to slam in it his face, but Ladd catches it and manages to push his way into the house. And Ryan crosses his arms and glares at him really hard, and Ladd is like, “I just came to talk, I didn't come to fight.”
Except, he realizes, he totally just forced his way into the house, way to go, Laddy.
He stammers for a while, and Ryan glares some more, and he finally manages to spit out, “I wanted to say I'm sorry, Johnny's fine and i overreacted, and you're not a dickbag. I mean, you kind of are, but not for the reasons I said.”
Ryan isn't glaring anymore, he's gaping.
“Sooooo,” Ladd says, “if you're still mad, I guess, I mean, that's fine. But uh, when you get done being mad, if you want, we could hang out again?” (He can't just tell Ryan he loves him, he's not fucking stupid. Ryan would laugh at him.)
And Ryan is like, “Wait, did Andrew Ladd just apologize to me? Is the world ending?”
And it's Ladd's turn to glare. “Yeah, and it's not happening again, so take it or leave it.”
So Kesler says, “Well yeah. Okay. I mean ... we could hang out, I guess.” All casual and shit.
And Ladd's like, “Okay cool.”
And then they both just stand there. Until one of them pounces.
Ladd is still kinda sweaty from practice, because he went straight to Ryan's. So he has Ryan pushed up against the front door, and he's practically trying to lick his tonsils, but Ryan is kissing back exactly the same, and with moaning.
And Ladd has one thigh pushed between Ryan's legs, just high enough to make it a little bit uncomfortable, and Ryan doesn't even care, he's just rubbing himself on Ladd's thigh.
So Ryan licks Ladd's neck and he can taste the dried sweat there, which should be totally disgusting, but instead is really hot. And he grabs Ladd's ass to give him some more leverage and Ladd moans really low and ducks his head into the crook of Ryan's neck and pushes him against the door harder.
And he says, "Fuck, Ryan" into Ryan's skin and Ryan comes. Kind of embarrassing, but it's been a while, shut up.
Anyway, Ladd's still all tense and his hips are shifting around a little, and he's breathing hard into Ryan's neck. So Ryan manhandles him off, turns him around, and drops to his knees. He only gets Ladd's pants down far enough to expose his crotch, and then Ryan just goes for it, no finesse or anything.
And it takes Ladd approximate 1.89 seconds to come.
Ryan's pants are sticky and gross, and Ladd's dick is hanging out and he still has his jacket on. But they just lay there for a while. Ladd's head feels really good against Ryan's shoulder. Which is weird, maybe, but Ryan is willing to go with it.
Because Burrows maybe had a point, because he just feels so relieved right now, and even he can admit it's not just the orgasm. He's had totally better orgasms.
And finally the mess in his pants gets really uncomfortable, and also, he'd kinda like to have Ladd naked. So he gets them up to his room and locks the door against his parents, who should be home soon. And they start undressing each other, and then they have some of those better orgasms.
And then they get under Ryan's covers and cuddle, even though neither of them would admit that under pain of death.
And they don't really talk or anything, but Ladd is like an octopus, seriously, and Ryan keeps letting his thumb rub gently across this one spot on Ladd's hip that he really likes.
panfix: i am thinking about ladd and kesler's first date
shoemaster: like, after they finally admit they like each other for more than orgasms?
it wouldn't be part of the main story, but i am imagining it and it is awesome in it's glory and awkwardness.
shoemaster: SO AWKWARD
So Kesler's dad gets these Blackhawks tickets through work, and Kesler is like, “I dunno, I have these tickets, Burrows has a family thing, you wanna go?” (Except that he totally told Burrows to eat shit and die when Burrows begged to come with.)
So they don't get dressed up or anything, because they're both wearing jerseys, but they meet at the Metra station and when Ladd gets there Kesler's already bought his ticket. And when they get into the city Ladd buys them both burritos at this little hole in the wall place his dad always takes him to when they go to games.
And they talk about hockey a lot because they're so excited. Usually they don't talk a lot about hockey because it can lead to ... disagreements. But not when they leave their schools out of it and just talk about the Hawks.
They argue a little bit over players and lines and the other team, etc, but it's all good natured. And they're squeezed together on the bus because it's so crowded, but that's okay because that way when Ladd leans against Kesler, it looks like he's being pushed. And when Kesler rests his hand on Ladd's hip for a second, it looks like that's just where it landed when he went to steady his friend.
And maybe they both kinda want to be able to kiss or hold hands (even though they don't even hold hands when they're among friends because, please, over their dead bodies) but they also both are planning on playing college hockey and are surrounded by large sports fans of a dubious nature. They're not stupid.
Once they get to the UC and get to their seats, after they're done telling each other how awesome the seats are, they kinda run out of conversation. If they were back home, this would be the point when they start making out. Or like, leave wherever they are to start making out. But that's not really an option and it's 45 minutes before puck drop.
So now they're sitting there.
Realizing that it's just the two of them.
On a DATE.
But after about 10 minutes, it starts to fill up a little. And there's this guy, also clearly on a date - but with a girl - sitting in the row in front of them and a little to the left, and he's like, wearing a jersey which is still very new, and he's telling his date all these (extremely wrong) things about hockey, clearly trying to impress her. Loudly.
And they just start looking at each other and laughing or making faces. Sometimes one of them interjects a one liner, but mostly they don't need to speak to make fun of this guy, and his date doesn't look that impressed either, and it's hilarious. And both of them are secretly grateful they their boyfriend (boyfriend!) is so cool. Not that they'd ever say that out loud.
And then there are other people to talk to, and warm ups to watch, and the game. Whenever the hawks score they can jump up and hug each other (and maybe get a grope in) and no one thinks that's weird.
And during 2nd intermission they share nachos and a coke.
The Hawks win, and it's awesome.
On the train back to the suburbs, it's mostly empty and dark and and Ryan falls asleep against Ladd's shoulder, and Ladd puts his arm around Kesler's shoulders and Kesler snuggles in a little more without waking up.
And that's the date.
shoemaster: and they make out in the car in the metra parking lot
and kesler’s still all sleepy and stuff so it's really lazy and slow and good.
because ladd won't let kesler drive home till he's totally awake.
"oh no, i don't think you're awake enough yet. can't leave."
shoemaster: "gotta be totally alert.....have sharp reflexes."
THE ACTUAL END.